yesterday i was a boy gender was just a toy it didn't make sense, but i liked it that way gender was a game to play yesterday i was a girl gender was my whole world it didn't take much, but it took everything gender was a giving thing hold my hand, we're hiding hold my hand, we're hiding hold on little one, don't you think it would be fun to share your secret with someone someone other than yourself? you can't trust yourself these days they're always finding new ways to make you, and make you do all of the things you said you'd never do now today i am trans they say the best laid plans are the ones that go awry and when they do you wanna die no, no, damned if i don't better than lying at home no, no, damned if i do who needs safety when you've got you? i've still got the same old eyes you can't see much in their new light but they can see you and all you do for better or for worse they are watching you take my hand, we're running take my hand, we're running take my hand

i moved to kiss you you said you taste like an ashtray i said i've been used like an ashtray before i moved to kiss you you said you needed the toilet i said i could be your toilet like i've done before it was done before we ever kissed it was done before we even kissed i moved to kiss you i moved to kiss you i put a toothbrush in your apartment you said it wasn't a big deal i still haven't used it are you sure you want to kiss this mouth? are you sure you want to kiss this mouth? i moved to kiss you you said that would be ok i said i've never been ok before it was done before we even kissed it was done and i can't be done with it because i still exist it was done

there's no one around so why cut our hair? there's no one in town in why should we care? there's nothing left, nothing at all so let's go shopping at what used to be the mall time to take a lover, take a lover to be a sign of the end of days inside of me i'm falling apart, i'm falling asleep in the beds where the hospitals used to be you've not left your house in sick nights and seven years when you sleep you gnash your teeth like stopping up oiled gears the way you turn your face away, cloudy as water when it clears and when you cum on my face the apocalypse adheres why do you draw what is already dead? i show you on the porch the place where i bled your eyebrow stutters, your brow folds up like a chair, make me buckle, shut me up in the end the song i sing got sung longer than i could sleep trying to get out of bed i've gotta fall and scrape my knee before i felt i wasn't worth the water to bathe the likes of me but now that it's so precious i use the water endlessly there's a whole wide world out there now no one to spit on you, no one around no one except for the people in the town there's no one in your house to speak of, anyhow do you believe me? do you believe me? look for yourself, go and see now i know how it feels now i know how it feels now i know how it feels now i know how it feels to be an abandoned building to be an abandoned building now i know how it feels to be abandoned

there is no such thing as a free lunch but god have you tried the water? not some evian shit like a baby someone shook up in a bottle but free, unadultered ice water in beckony of future-times when i go out to eat i don't worry 'bout a thing when i go out to eat i am free unflagging joy relentless joy irrevocable joy unnecessary joy it's a dirty job to find someone who'll filter clean water into mine when i say i am fine, i am probably lying